I went to see her one time. One of the hardest things Ive been wrestling with is not having any clear language for this weird place between sick and healthy, weak and strong. Kelly Corrigan:I never came up with any combination that came close to the feeling. Kelly Corrigan:And then she died, and my dad called, and my dad had nothing but positive things to say to me my entire life, and he said, You should have gone to see your grandmother more. And you know, it was so weird, but dying was the easier part of it. She lives in Philly and I live in California. Now a cognitive scientist and podcaster, Maya grew up immersed in the . I really appreciate it. Kate Bowler:Yeah. For awhile, Id say shed been robbed, or ripped off. After the potency of the crime metaphor wore off, I turned to the vocabulary of religion. You say something thats so weird cause I say it all the time, so when I read it I thought, Did you reach inside my brain? You adopted the phrase, Onward as a bit of a motto. Kelly Corrigan:She cant wear half her clothes because she cant zip them by herself. Im so sorry youre not going to like any of my answers. You've just tried to add this show to My List. Kelly Corrigan:Sure, my pleasure. I was also living only maybe 10 miles from my very old grandma who lived alone, and I kept kind of meaning to go visit her, but its a lot easier to show up at work every day at the United Way, and get kind of righteous about all the people who work for money versus the rest of us who are working for the greater good, than it is to go to your grandmas smelly, weird apartment, and have weird conversations with an 88-year old, you know? And then right on the heels of that, I think, What would Liz do for this?. Its a sin, its hell. Its so that they can identify some critical difference between you and them that makes them feel like they can exhale again. Dalai Lama XIV, Cheryl, Its completely random. Im hearing all the music, Im totally tuned in to the right channel, and then just like that, I slip into those mundane irritants., Kelly Corrigan:And then I catch myself, and then I feel this sense of shame, and he said, Its like this. You also realized there was incredible parenting magic in the phrase, Tell me more. So, what is this witchcraft you speak of? Diane, Okay. I love your book and your honesty as I keep questioning everything. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Join New York Times bestselling author Kelly Corrigan as she choreographs big-ideas conversations and personal truth-telling with some of the creative thinkers and artists who define our time. This is the way this has to be, and its right there. I was wrong, and that is very soothing, but then that took me back to this moment where I had gone to work for United Way after college, because I was going to save the world, and I was this total do-gooder. Kate Bowler:Thanks so much for doing this. I even use it at the end of lectures like, Hey, this is the end of the 19th century. Writer Kelly Corrigan urges 2021 grads to choose curiosity over judgment Writer Kelly Corrigan is a bestselling memoirist. I was wrong, and that is very soothing, but then that took me back to this moment where I had gone to work for United Way after college, because I was going to save the world, and I was this total do-gooder. Labels like chronic illness, or caregiver, or widow, or mom of a kid with special needs. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. I was healthy, and then I was sick, and now Im feeling pretty good, and even though the language around immunotherapy isnt perfect, I can happily say that I am in remission. Kelly Corrigan:I didnt die. So, I really appreciated the way that you framed the bigness and the smallness of it, because it has to be both. Take care, Shes not going to their wedding, shes not going to pick out wedding dresses with them. Kate Bowler:I guess Ill see you soon. PBS is a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization. I dont have the genetic predisposition. Kelly Corrigan:My friend Andy Lotts, who is Lizs husband, told me about it, cause hes a mom now, and so we talk mom talk. Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Kelly Corrigan:Thanks. You understand what you did wrong., Kelly Corrigan:So to me, that felt very different than saying, Im sorry. Kate Bowler:Thanks so much for doing this. Kelly Corrigan:I mean, thats where it is. Youve shared some gems with us. Kate is a young mother, writer and professor who, at age 35, was suddenly diagnosed with Stage IV cancer. She's a daughter who still mourns the loss of her dad, a mom to her amazing daughters, a wife to her fantastic husband, a sister, a good friend, and a woman trying her best to leave this world a better and a brighter one for future generations. Dont misread this, my mother was a loving woman, but she passed on this legacy, this painful legacy shed been burdened with, that women should take up as little space as possible, risk as little as possible, and hide our lights lest we make fools of ourselves. I think people think that if you have a diagnosis, or somethings happened to you that you should know because youre proof of it. So, I think things happen when you leave the house. Best-selling author Kelly Corrigan tries a research-proven technique to feel closer to her husband. Leave a review on Apple Podcasts. CW: death of parent, death of friend to cancer. Kate Bowler:I do think people offer certainties when they think that youre proof of something that scares them, and they cant just live in the uncertainty of not knowing for a minute. Together, Kate and Kelly explore the phrases we cling to in order to find deeper connection and meaning during difficult times. Kate Bowler:Yeah, the indignity. Kelly Corrigan:And so I didnt do it. You wrote about the end of words. I just want to show up and try to be of use. Then cancer hit. So, maybe when life is chronic, we all need some sayings to anchor us, our very own mottos that guide us through. Kelly Corrigan:And it wasnt my turn for his attention. It is a good reminder for me that I can lean into what its like now because change is always acoming. Kelly Corrigan:But you know, if Im jumping in with my fancy solution two and a half minutes in, I just cut you off, and then we leave each other, and I have this little high like, Ah, I just really helped her, and she walks away thinking, She didnt hear anything I said. You say something thats so weird cause I say it all the time, so when I read it I thought, Did you reach inside my brain? You adopted the phrase, Onward as a bit of a motto. Its all this cumulative effect of a thousand minuscule moments. It was because I had been selfish, and my dad caught me. Onwards, but you use it so beautifully when youre talking about Lizs family and how they are now. Adjust the colors to reduce glare and give your eyes a break. Kelly Corrigan:I know, me too. Each episode ends with a special Plus One segment, in which guests are invited to thank those that have supported them along their journey. I think part of why your book is so moving is the way that these sayings crystallize these really big truths about who we are, and also how we should love each other. We had several hamsters in one cage, and they can be cannibalistic, and one morning a hamster was missing, and another hamster had a suspiciously large tummy. Ill read you a little bit from the very end of that chapter because the thing that he was saying I think is, This is how it goes.. Our family motto: It isnt help unless someone asks for it. Kate Bowler:Yeah. Maybe I dont have to be good, but I can try to be least a little better then Ive been so far., Riham:Our family motto is Allah Kareem. Kelly Corrigan:And how do we earn it? Kilpy So, I was wondering, would you mind reading that beautiful passage you wrote about after Liz died? Rocky is family, and we dont sell family, I replied. The name is a lyric from . Kate Bowler:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kate Bowler:Well, the one that we sort of settled on most was, Dont let the turkeys get you down, cause we were all deeply unpopular children, but it did make me think about mottos, and how it sort of defines the season that we live in. It just ends the tension because what youre saying is, I see it how you see it, and I agree with you. It just came out whole, and of course, to me its the most important and moving chapter in the book for sure. Kate Bowler:Getting back to life has been really tricky. Kelly, this is such a good reminder that sometimes we inherit tough histories and mottos. I dont know. Kelly Corrigan:I sat at my dining room table, which is place I never write, and I thought, Oh my God, of course I know exactly what this is. Her memoirs include " The Middle Place," and her first children's. That sounds really right to me. Kate Bowler:Absolutely. Just do your best. Kate Bowler:Well, I accept. I guess everybody here, these children of mine and my husband, are just too damn busy to get on this, but Im not, so Ill do it, and then I was finishing, and I found a little pile of cut toenails on my kitchen table, and that. So, I just really went bananas, because on top of the shirt problem, I went downstairs to clean the kitchen, and I found everybodys bowls, and spoons, and cups, and I had that reaction that so many women have, which is, Well I guess Im the least busy. Onwards! The words we speak, and the words spoken over us. Onward, my dears. Kelly kicks off a new series on BELIEF, delving into topics like the meaning of life, finding purpose, why faith, service and gratitude matter, and more with Dr. MIchael Murray, former Philosophy Professor and current President & CEO of the Arthur Vining Davis Foundations . Today, Im speaking with New York Times bestselling author, Kelly Corrigan. Kate Bowler:I need to hear what your motto is. Kelly Corrigan:And he said, Thats a way to be a parent, which is to say to be there, to be available, to be within view, but not necessarily inserting yourself, because even though as your kids get older and older, it feels like theyre looking for you less and less, it is sort of a comfort to glance over, and see you there, and feel you there, and they would most certainly notice if you werent. Minds dont rest. I was so mad that I shook the cage a bit, that hamster eating its sibling. Kilpy Im sorry I didnt go see your mom. Thats not the same as saying I was wrong not to try to know her. Like the other day when I was being wheeled into a procedure, the nurse looked at my chart, and then casually said, Colon cancer. I mean so far, knock on wood, Im getting to see my kids be much, much older than she got to see her kids be. Shed do anything. Kate Bowler:Well I think part of it, and this gets to another phrase that you write about which is I dont know, but you and I, it sounds like, have given up on certainties as a way to cope with that, both having been through cancer, and also I think both realizing that people really dont like it when you say, I dont know.. The idea that any day could be this huge day, I dont know, that really gets me out of bed, you know? They swell, and constrict, and break, and forgive, and behold, because its like this, having a heart. And she said, Kelly, Im going to try to do the Uber to this wedding, and I was wondering if you can request a woman, and I said, No you cant, but you can trust it. I mean so far, knock on wood, Im getting to see my kids be much, much older than she got to see her kids be. Playlist. Kareem means generous. Being a runner, this has always been meaningful for me. But I asked the doctor what the right term for me might be, and he said Survivor-in-progress, which was super annoying. For what Ive just seen in the last six months, I should be different. Embed. If you love the episode, please share and review. Ive read Tell Me More twice already. And the potted plant theory, I cant credit it to someone, Im sorry, I dont know who put it out there, but the idea is that if you were to have a plant in your kitchen, you might not be aware of it at all, and then if someone were to remove it, youd say What happened to that plant?. A huge thank you to Mahra (the song she sings is from When I Drink by The Avett Brothers), Riham, and Cheryl who shared their family mottos with us. So, I grew up with this sentence with my fathers voice in my head saying, Allah Kareem, God is generous., Cheryl:Our family motto is, Dont eat a hamster. 5-Minute Listen. Today is the right day to Love, Believe, Do and mostly Live. Kelly Corrigan:So, I used to go in there and write, and they have a meditation teacher twice a day at 10:00 AM and 3:00 PM, and at first I was sort of sheepish about availing myself of every single employee benefit, but sure enough, eventually I found myself sitting in there, and this guy was kind of amazing. Is this how you would have cared for my son?, and you end up fixating on all of these tiny little things, and at the same time, so overwhelmed by not being sure if its trivial or tragic. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. Its going to be great. Thats where its at. I absolutely love that phrase. Kelly Corrigan:Well, chop-chop kid. So, Dont eat a hamster is our version of Dont jump to conclusions.. I was wondering if you could tell me about that. I dont have the genetic predisposition. Im so glad youve been plugging in and hope to keep hearing your feedback! I even use it at the end of lectures like, Hey, this is the end of the 19th century. Mary Hope wrote this thoughtful, open-hearted letter to her community to introduce her son Alex - who had previously been known to all as Jenna, her daughter. I was in a big, big rush to get in front of him, and say my apology, and be returned to a state of grace, but the fact is that his mom died. My mom called me maybe three months after my dad died. Kate, Plus, we learn how the same technique can actually reduce racism and prejudice. I think we should be talking about five percent of the time. Im Kate Bowler, and this is Everything Happens. Mom, we cant sell family, right? I looked at this sweet-natured adorable little puppy and acquiesced. Kelly Corrigan:So, my dad died in February, and then my friend Liz, whos the mother of three kids, 8, 10, and 12 at the time, died that December. Dont worry, and she said, Well, my problem is I cant zip my dress by myself, so I thought if it was a woman, I could ask her to come in, and zip my dress, and I thought, Thats the tiny moments that are so gut-wrenching for a new widow. Im so thankful I could be a fly on the wall and listen in on your conversation. One is called Yesterday and the other is called Tomorrow. Im hearing all the music, Im totally tuned in to the right channel, and then just like that, I slip into those mundane irritants., Kelly Corrigan:And then I catch myself, and then I feel this sense of shame, and he said, Its like this. Kate Bowler:Oh friend. I mean, its a little bit like, Just keep saying yes. You know, When in doubt, say Sure, Ill do that, just to see what happens next, just to see who you might meet. I thoroughly enjoyed your podcast and listening to you both. Today, were sharing this letter which Mary Hope wrote to officially introduce Alex because we find the kindness, transparency and unconditional love in it to be so inspiring. Constance Wu and Kelly Corrigan in Lafayette, CA. But first, we need you to sign in to PBS using one of the services below. She has been called the voice of her generation and the poet laureate of the ordinary, and she is the most perfect person to talk to to kick us off because her lovely new book is called Tell Me More, and Tell me more is one of those phrases she uses, phrases that she writes about that help guide her through relationships, and parenting, and grief. Theyre poking for that critical difference to hold on to, and I wanna hug em, and say, I know. 351 winchester vs 30 carbine, lovecraft town name generator, pumphouse brewery nutrition,